Why Is It Harder to Bounce Back in Your 30s?
Last year, a family friend who was 38 committed suicide. That loss hit close to home and brought a sharper awareness to something I’d been noticing lately. Over the past few weeks, I’ve caught up with a few friends. And while their stories were different, one pattern was painfully clear: they were all struggling. Whether navigating heartbreak, professional hardships, emotional burnout, or personal setbacks, everyone seemed to be in it. The bounce-back, something we used to take for granted in our 20s, wasn’t coming so easily anymore.
One friend in particular stood out. She is the kind of person who feels like a warm summer day: radiant, driven, and full of life. A true fighter. She has launched two businesses, faced setbacks head-on, and kept going with grace. She was going through a deeply personal crisis, which made her barely recognize herself. Her spark was dimmed. She was making decisions out of character, feeling lost and disconnected from her core self. Later, as she slowly began to resurface from that heavy space, she opened up and shared that she’d been having suicidal thoughts. My heart sank. To carry that kind of invisible weight... it must’ve felt suffocating.
Why Is It Harder to Bounce Back?
It’s not just in our heads. Just like hangovers hit differently in our 30s than they did in our 20s, emotional recovery takes a deeper toll, too. There are real scientific reasons why recovering from setbacks gets more difficult as we age. Our bodies physically take longer to heal after injury or illness as we get older. The same is true emotionally and mentally. Studies show that:
Our brain’s plasticity (the ability to adapt and rewire itself) slows down with age.
Hormonal changes can affect mood regulation.
Stress accumulates over time, which can wear down our resilience.
On top of that, the stakes often feel higher in our 30s. We’re juggling career pressures, relationships, sometimes parenting, and the weight of previous disappointments. Our safety nets can feel thinner, and the energy it takes to “bounce back” can be exhausting.
The Silent Weight: What the Numbers Say
Mental health struggles in this age group are sadly very real. According to data published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) in 2022, the age range between 25 to 44 sees some of the highest numbers of suicides worldwide:
Age Group | Deaths by Suicide | Rate per 100,000
25–34 | 8,663 | 19.0
35–44 | 8,185 | 18.7
These numbers reflect the invisible burden many carry in their late 20s through early 40s. They remind us that it’s okay not to be OK, and that the heaviness of life’s hardships is often shared, even when it feels isolating.
You can see the full chart here.
Life Vests: The Buffers That Keep Us Afloat
In times like these, having buffers, or what I like to call life vests, can make all the difference. These are the people, habits, and beliefs that help us stay afloat when life feels overwhelming.
Here are some of the most important:
Strong Mental Health Support
Access to affordable, culturally competent therapy or psychiatric care (this is a non-negotiable).
Early intervention for depression, anxiety, trauma, or substance use.
Mental health education so you can recognize signs in yourself or others. Talking to someone who truly understands mental health can be a game-changer. Professional support offers tools and perspective that friends alone sometimes can’t provide.
Supportive Relationships
Feeling connected to family, friends, or a caring community (this is so underrated, don’t waste this resource).
Nonjudgmental emotional support during tough times.
A sense of belonging, whether that’s through spiritual communities, support groups, or social circles. You don’t need many people; just one person who listens and holds space for you can change everything.
Movement
Keep your body moving, even gently, whether it’s walking, stretching, dancing, yoga, or simple breathwork. Movement is a powerful form of self-care and self-love.
Physical activity releases endorphins and serotonin, natural mood lifters that help reduce anxiety and depression.
Movement also improves sleep quality, which is essential for emotional resilience and healing.
Spirituality
Believing in something greater than yourself (be it God, the universe, nature, or your inner wisdom) can provide a comforting sense of connection and meaning.
It can foster hope and resilience by encouraging faith that things can and will get better, even when the present feels overwhelming.
Practices like meditation, prayer, gratitude journaling, or simply spending quiet time in nature can help deepen this connection.
A Sense of Purpose or Meaning
Feeling that your life has meaning, goals, or a personal mission (trust me, you have one).
Engaging in work, school, creative projects, or volunteering (the last one being my favorite one).
Holding spiritual or philosophical beliefs that encourage hope and resilience. Purpose doesn’t have to be huge; it can be as simple as caring for a pet, helping a friend, or nurturing a small garden. When you reconnect to your “why,” you gain the strength to keep moving forward.
How to Heal Anyway
Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not about “getting over it” quickly. It’s about honoring your process, leaning on your life vests, and permitting yourself to be human.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is whisper, “I need support.” And other times, the most healing gift you can give someone else is to simply be there, no advice, no fixing, just a warm presence. A hug in human form.
It may feel harder to bounce back in your 30s, that doesn’t mean you're broken. It means you’ve lived. You’ve learned. And now you’re healing at a deeper level. This isn’t the quick rebound of your younger years; it’s the rooted return to who you really are.
Let it be slower. Let it be richer. Let it be real.
You’re not bouncing less.
You’re bouncing back to yourself.
Let this message be your reminder to check in on the people you love. Send that text. Make the call. Tell someone how much you appreciate them. You never know how much your words or presence might mean to someone holding on by a thread.
You’re not alone. We’re in this together. And there is hope, even in the darkest moments.
🚨 If You or Someone You Know Is Struggling
In the U.S.:
📞 Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
🌐 Visit 988lifeline.org
There is always help. There is always someone ready to listen.
